my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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