..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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