just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
