Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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