My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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