dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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