Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
