Dual....:-)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
