i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
