Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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