My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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