can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
