Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
never play flip cup with pint glasses
someone owes me an orgasm
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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