this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
