Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we should paint friendship bongs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
