think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
