as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
