Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
