I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize