my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i think my cat just said my name.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
