....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
