i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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