wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
