You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize