john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i now understand why vodka
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
