I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
