Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
