It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i've created a new STD.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
