And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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