you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
