We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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