I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm at about main and main street
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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