He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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