the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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