I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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