and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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