Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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