He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize