Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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