There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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