So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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