Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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