Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
