wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
