I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
