Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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