FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
they call him Oral-B. enough said
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
