Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
from now on my penis is your penis
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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