Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
