dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
