I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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