I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
