Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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