seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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