I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
