remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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