Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
