speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
