i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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