our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
