i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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