I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
