Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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