If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
