I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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