Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
