i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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