how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have feelings that need drinking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
