Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
