I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
