hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
